2 min read

How to Become Your Own Boyfriend in 2,316 Days

Just 14 incredible steps

Step 1: Narrowly avert your own suicide while on a trip with your current, straight, “hypersexual” husband by calling a therapist who miraculously ends up having the number for a psychedelic-assisted psychotherapist.

audio-thumbnail
Listen to “How to Become Your Own Boyfriend”
0:00
/204.778667

2: See said therapist for an MDMA session, assuming you have $1,000 in cash, and survive what turns out to be severely irresponsible work on her part, which helps drive you with urgent desperation toward a series of ayahuasca ceremonies.

3: Give a Viking funeral to your own self-hatred in one of said ceremonies.

This post is for subscribers only